This is episode 34, so you have an awful lot of catching up to do…
There’s an eerie quiet throughout Irthlingborough as I drive towards Nene Park. Kids are walking to school instead of skipping, little old ladies aren’t queueing outside the local shops waiting for them to open, and the chips at Vince’s Fish Bar smell a little less vinegary than usual. My assistant, Roar Hanset, looks downright dejected as he puts the cones out. That usually makes him so happy. Of course, we all know what’s up – Freddie the Fence, our great protector, has left us for bastard Bolton Wanderers. Our record signing and now record sale, he’s been here almost since the start, and the place just doesn’t feel the same without him. On the training ground, the players seem languid as I pull my car up at our state-of-the-art marble development centre – but my door isn’t the only one that opens. Who’s that getting out of the passenger side? That’s right. They said it couldn’t be done, and yet… he’s here.
The legendary Jamie Victory – speed demon, leader of men, arch-creator and pretty average tackler actually now that I look – is finally where he belongs. He’s essentially been kidnapped from Cheltenham, who let him go for only £45k, but immediately, everyone at the ground is buzzing. They can’t believe what they’re seeing – Jamie Victory is here! Contented that there are smiles back on faces, I leave Roar to put our new man through his paces and head inside to plan for the post-Freddie era, for tomorrow, we welcome Wrexham to Irthlingborough.
There’s only really one thing for it – Gough and Costacurta will be my starting centre-back pairing at least until Teddy Lucic arrives in December, or unless one of them takes a turn for the worse, in which case I can always promote Monk, Plummer (who’s still complaining about there being too much competition, the scrote) or even Chiellini to have a go in the first team. There’s also always the option of recalling Barzagli from his loan, but I’d rather he was both playing and trying to get over his homesickness, so I’ll only take that option if we have an injury armageddon.
The rest of my side is quite predictable; Gazza is only at 90% so I give Jamie Davies a run in his place from the start, and Jamie Victory makes the bench since I can’t simply drop Kalvenes after his excellent start to the season. Wrexham, for their part, have a good side that includes Welsh stopper Mark Crossley who I don’t like the look of already, alongside Lee Trundle, Hector Sam, Darren Ferguson and Andy Melville, but I’m relieved to see that two of their three ‘star’ players are out injured. This just doesn’t feel the same without Freddie, but press on we must.
The first half is pulsating, and I can’t help but momentarily forget that I’m the manager of this fantastic side, and simply sit back and enjoy the way we go about our business. We go in just 1-0 up at half time, but it’s another superb attacking display from your mighty Diamonds that – as we’re becoming accustomed to – is mostly spoiled by a dominant performance from Crossley in the Wrexham goal. He saves from both Javan and Duff early on, but the latter effort rebounds to none other than Jamie Davies, who gobbles up the chance and gives us the lead with a tap in. However, after that, we pepper Crossley and he beats everything away, saving from Javan again, then Sir Les, Mahouvé, Duff and Bubb twice. We go in at half time squarely on top and looking good.
Darren Ferguson is seeing a good amount of the ball for Wrexham, so I tell Mahouvé in no uncertain terms that I never want to hear from him again – and the next time the Scot is in the commentary is the 81st minute, when he gets subbed off with a 5. I scribble a note to politely thank Marcel at full-time, and in the meanwhile, my players are continuing what they started in the first 45 – and Crossley is still determined to prevent our progress. He goes on to save from Duff, Javan, Andersson and Møller when he comes on, but Wrexham are only creating half chances at the other end that Pinheiro fields easily, and eventually, a tense encounter finishes 1-0 to the good guys. Well played, lads – I’m especially happy that my defence, shorn of The Fence, was the best part about our game. Everyone finishes on 8s and 9s, Mike Duff is man of the match, and we enter this new, Rispless world with a very strong performance indeed.
There’s some fun international news in the wake of the Wrexham result – Robert Duffy, one of my young reserve strikers, is called up to the Wales U21 squad, who I have to assume are pretty desperate for forwards. Also, Aiden McVeigh, who’s looked impressive in my reserves, makes the Northern Ireland U21s, and Tarkan Mustafa retains his spot in the Cyprus team despite losing his place in mine. And there’s even more good news – I’m Manager of the Month, naturally, and Byron Bubb is also recognised for his continued understated excellence, collecting the Young Player of the Month trophy. What a tremendous free transfer he’s been – average rating of 7.82 last term, and he’s scored seven goals this season, matching his tally from last year already – and it’s only November 1st. Unbelievable.
As we gear up for our League Cup match-up with Newcastle, the Fourth Round is drawn – the winner of our game will go away to Stoke City. If we manage to squeak past the Magpies, we’re facing down another tough away cup tie. I’ll tell you what, if we win the League Cup this season, we’ll have really earned it.
However, before I can begin plotting the downfall of Newcastle, we have to travel to Gillingham to meet the team who are languishing at 22nd in the division. They have some truly excellent forward players in Phil Masinga, Bryan Roy, Marlon King and Tommy Mooney, but they aren’t being given any ammunition from midfield. They only have one attacking midfielder, Nikos Dokos, who they’ve just signed on loan from Millwall – the poor lad. He’s about to find out what it’s like to be man-marked by the Destroyer for 90 minutes.
For us, it’s all change. Gillingham should be a good team to play right before our huge clash with Newcastle, so I rotate most of the team. Mahouvé, Costacurta and Davies are the only players that continue on from Wrexham – I give full debuts to Lee Jones, Giorgio Chiellini and Jamie Victory, while also restoring Mustafa, Farnerud, Brandon, Møller and Renner to the starting team. It’s pretty heavy rotation, but I need to put my trust in my second string. I am mostly concerned about Chiellini, who really isn’t very good at all, so Gough takes his place on the bench in case I need to make emergency changes.
Victor Renner is a direct replacement for Meysam Javan, and you can tell the two have been training together, because Renner is unplayable for the first half hour. First, Victory swings the ball into the box, Møller connects with a volley, Steve Wilson saves, but Renner is lurking nearby and batters a close-range shot home to give us the lead in just the second minute. After that, we come forward time after time, and Renner is always on the end of our chances – Wilson manages to keep him at bay for twenty minutes, but that’s the best he can do. Eventually, a wonderful team move involving Davies, Chiellini, Victory and Farnerud ends with the young Swede feeding Renner in the box, and he strikes high past Wilson to double our lead. I’m delighted with him, and also Victory, who seems to start almost all our attacks from his left flank – but Gillingham aren’t finished yet. They start to create chances through Tommy Mooney, and it’s no surprise when he eventually squares a ball for Terry Phelan to crash home and we’ve been pegged back to 2-1. Not unhappy with this lead as the 45 approaches, I scribble some notes for how I think we can improve – but I chuck them straight into a nearby bin as, right on the whistle, Møller is tackled in the area, but Jamie Victory advances onto the ball and hits a ‘ferocious’ left-footed strike past Wilson to restore our two-goal advantage. This is some game from Victory, and I’m so delighted that I change nothing at half time, except for telling Marcel the Destroyer to focus on a different target; Ciaran Martyn is playing a bit too well in CM for Gillingham, so we’ll have quite enough of that.
The second half is a very even affair that mostly features Victory and Farnerud for us, and it’s no surprise when the two combine for our fourth goal – Victory plays a simple ball ahead of Alex, he uses his pace and balance to weave through the Gills backline and wallops a shot in off the far post for 4-1. Gillingham, to their credit, don’t stop trying to come at us, and Phil Masinga drags them back into it with 20 minutes left, but I’ve already made my safety subs and we see the game out for a very tidy 4-2 win. The post-match stats are a little messed up, since Victory is not credited with an assist and only has one shot on target despite me seeing him have at least three, but no matter; Renner and Farnerud both finish on 10s, Møller was a nuisance, and Chiellini didn’t make any glaring errors despite ending the game on a 6 because he didn’t really do anything. That’s fine, Gio. Billy’s got you covered.
My confidence in my rotation and reserve players is bolstered even further by some very encouraging reports from Roar Hanset, who tells me that Mattias Andersson’s performances in training deserve an ‘extended run in the first team’, which – let’s face it – he’s not going to get, but I do promote him to the seniors and make plans to give him a game against Dulwich Hamlet. Aiden McVeigh (FRC), David Nolan (FRC) and Philip Creaney (AMC) have also been in impressive form for the stiffs, so I imagine they’ll be in my thoughts when that game comes around too.
However, this isn’t the time to think about Dulwich, because there’s a very large, very shiny black and white bus in the car park…
Mike Paul – buy him a coffee, give him some sponsorship, do what you can…
